FINDING MY VOICE

At least the story has a good ending. Mum met a bloke called Gary Harrison a few years later and they’re still married today. From the moment Gary entered our lives, I felt a sense of security I’d never known to that point.

I trusted him. I knew he would never hurt Mum or my sister.

Not long after Gary came into our lives I got asked over to a mate’s place and I ended up staying the night. It was a big step for me. All the fear and nervousness from before was gone. That was down to Gary. He taught me a lot about morality and the right way to live your life.

Mum has always said to me, ‘You’ll be a good dad,’ and she saw straightaway in my wife Sonia that she’d be a good mum. We’ve got a couple of kids now, Hazel and Levi, and I want to be in their lives forever.

I don’t want them to grow up without a parent. I want them to feel safe all the time, even when they do the wrong thing. Of course, as a parent, you need to teach your kids right from wrong, but you still need an environment where they feel comfortable talking to you even when they have done something wrong. They should never be afraid to talk to you.

I’m an ambassador for White Ribbon these days and I’ve seen the impact sharing my family’s story can have on others. I gave a speech at Parliament House and quite a few people came up to me afterwards and told me how much of it they could relate to. Even during my footy career, on the odd occasion when the subject would come up in conversation, it turned out that some of my teammates had lived through similar experiences.

They’d say, ‘I thought it was just my family,’ but it’s scary how common domestic violence actually is.

It was never discussed when I was a kid, but I’ve realised there’s no shame in sharing my story. I hope the book helps people and shows them that there can be a way out. There doesn’t have to be a ripple effect with domestic violence passing on from one generation to the next. We have the power to stop it.

I also hope that it helps people find the courage to leave toxic relationships. As difficult as it is to walk away from a violent partner, staying is so much worse, especially for the kids.

SHARING MY STORY

My initial response when I was asked whether I would be interested in writing a book was a pretty flat, ‘Nope!’ That was at the start of 2018. I just wasn’t comfortable about the idea.

Then, over the course of the year, I read a book about entrepreneurship. It contained a quote from Richard Branson that stuck with me:

If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later.

I was asked about the book later in the year. This time, I went with it.

There has been a lot of nervousness. When I received the manuscript I was like, Should I really say this? Should I have mentioned that? Am I making people feel bad? The book covers pretty much my whole life from the period I mentioned in this story, through my footy career, all the way to today.

It’s not the easiest thing to put your life on a page and send it out into the world.

If I’m honest, that nervousness hasn’t gone away. I’ve asked myself a thousand questions along the way. When I go and do book signings, I worry about whether I’ve trod on anyone’s toes, if people are going to turn out or if anyone will care about my story.

But there have been some great experiences, too. About 200 people showed up to a signing at Penrith the other day. It was really humbling. Branson was right!

Cool Hand Luke Lewis, New Holland Publishers, RRP $29.99, available from all good book retailers or buy online here.

For more information about White Ribbon Australia click here.